Tuesday, May 3, 2011 | By: Funny Photo Site

Funny jokes No.4 - Funny Lawyer and witness part 3

  Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
    Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
    Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
    Witness: "My name is Susan."

    Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?"
    Witness: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think."

    Lawyer: "Did you blow your horn or anything?"
    Witness: "After the accident?"
    Lawyer: "Before the accident."
    Witness: "Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it."

    Lawyer: "Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?"
    Witness: "Yes."
    Lawyer: "Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?"
    Witness: "Yes, sir."
    Lawyer: "What did she say?"
    Witness: "'What disco am I at?'"

    Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
    Witness: "No."
    Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
    Witness: "No."
    Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
    Witness: "No."
    Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
    Witness: "No."
    Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
    Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
    Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
    Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

    Lawyer: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

    Lawyer: "And you check your radar unit frequently?"
    Officer: "Yes, I do."
    Lawyer: "And was your radar unit functioning correctly at the time you had the plaintiff on radar?"
    Officer: "Yes, it was malfunctioning correctly."

    Lawyer: "What happened then?"
    Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
    Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
    Witness: "No."

    Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
    Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."

    Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

    Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"

    Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"

    Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"

    Lawyer: "How long have you been a French Canadian?"

    Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
    Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"

    Lawyer: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
    Witness: "I went to Europe, sir."
    Lawyer: "And you took your new wife?"

    Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
    Witness: "That's me."
    Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"

    Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"

    Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
    Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
    Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
    Witness: "Yes."
    Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"

    Lawyer: "How many times have you committed suicide?"
    Witness: "Four times."


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